I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
So vagazzling was a success
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
