five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Randomize
