Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
