Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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