as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
