woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
