When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
