he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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