Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Can vaginas get frostbite?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Randomize
