I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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