all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
