You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
