He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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