I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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