tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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