forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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