There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
