Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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