theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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