take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
