Can i not drive my cunt home
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
