WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
