Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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