new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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