it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
