All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
