So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
