I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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