Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
