She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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