You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
