My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
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alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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