dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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