my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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