I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
