i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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