Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
