we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
