Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
