I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
