I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
