i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize