He is such a slut. More and more my type.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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