remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
