I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
