He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
