I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
