Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
