I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
