i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
