Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
ugly people sure do ruin things
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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