What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
