Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
