tell your sister to shave her snatch
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Randomize
