I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Just puked most of my soul out..
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
