loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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