You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
