this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
