he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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