Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
