I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
