He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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