Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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