I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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