weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
God, I missed his penis.
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