Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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