It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom