Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(914): View more from New York

After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!

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(914): After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT! http://tfl.nu/umoe

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(917): View more from New York City

you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.

(720): View more from Colorado

ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...

(917): View more from New York City

no it doesn't.

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(917): you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere. (720): ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning... (917): no it doesn't. http://tfl.nu/6x89

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(562): View more from California

even your uterus rejects him.

(1-562): View more from California

apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.

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(562): even your uterus rejects him. (1-562): apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body. http://tfl.nu/g0cm

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(757): View more from Virginia

I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well

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(757): I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well http://tfl.nu/14t6

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter

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(508): I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter http://tfl.nu/gfmg

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(502): View more from Kentucky

You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.

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(502): You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down. http://tfl.nu/88lm

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.

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(780): I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen. http://tfl.nu/raiw

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.

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(814): btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in. http://tfl.nu/zr2p

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.

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(724): He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever. http://tfl.nu/8ol6

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(770): View more from Georgia

Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.

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(770): Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers. http://tfl.nu/y8q2

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(256): View more from Alabama

She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.

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(256): She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks. http://tfl.nu/9wib

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(210): View more from Texas

Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.

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(210): Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience. http://tfl.nu/wox2

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(310): View more from California

I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.

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(310): I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE. http://tfl.nu/riqc

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(858): View more from California

we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.

(858): View more from California

Where did he get the tophat?

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(858): we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat. (858): Where did he get the tophat? http://tfl.nu/1w08

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(618): View more from Illinois

Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote

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(618): Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote http://tfl.nu/plk1

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