we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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