gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.