im about as happy as oj after his trial
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
