We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Plural? Please tell.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
These 23 Groupies Had The Most Insane Sexual Experiences With Celebs
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
35 Of The Funniest Things People Said While Banging
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.