ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?