More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
