also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
