your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
