haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
